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Seriously, folks. There were just so, so many things wrong with this episode, I don't know where to start.

I'm a die-hard AHS fan. Yes, I admit there are faults with the writing; the first season in particular always felt like a "rough draft" to me. Still, I liked it. The fact that I was recovering from surgery and high on Vicodin while watching it On Demand, one episode after another, might have something to do with that enjoyment. I dunno. But yeah, I couldn't turn it off

The second season, "Asylum," rocked. I agree they crammed a lot into that season. Way too much, a lot of viewers insisted: Nuns, Nazis, aliens, mutants, demonic possession, serial killers, etc. But it was creepy, and riveting, and...well, addictive.

Then came "Coven." Again, it was kind of all over the place, but so grotesque and fascinating I couldn't not watch it. Jessica Lange is amazing. The whole cast was amazing. I couldn't care less who became the Next Supreme--I just wanted to watch these twisted characters every week. Admittedly it annoyed me that there weren't any "rules," i.e. that any rules that existed were subject to change at the whim of the writers at any given moment. Even magic has to have rules because magic, however unbelievable, has to be believable--otherwise it's, well, senseless crap.

Example: The Wicked Witch of the West melts when she's splashed with water. Dorothy and her friends flee the castle with the broomstick, only to find the Witch lying in waiting at the gates. Wait--isn't she dead? Nope. The heat from her melting body dried up the water, enabling her to rise once again. Changing the rules? Riiight.

So then we get to the "Coven" finale. Who will be the Next Supreme? Well, if *I* had written the show, it would've been:

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Of COURSE I knew Fiona wasn't dead. Nobody really ever dies in this show. Everyone is resurrected at least once. Except for Nan. But Fiona, who spent the entire show craving youth and beauty and power, would've prevailed in THE MOST BIZARRE GRUESOME MIND-BLOWING SCENARIO IMAGINABLE. I mean, she died in "Asylum"--did they have to kill her off in "Coven" too? I lost 5 bucks on a bet with this one because I thought Cordelia "winning" was way too predictable. Silly me.

Note: My second choice for the Next Supreme would've been Frankenstud, aka Kyle. True, he wasn't a witch. But, as I always like to think outside the box, I was hoping AHS would do the same.

OK. Why I thought the finale sucked (and these are just some examples off the top of my head):

1. What happened to Zoe? Was it an accident? Did Madison do that? Why didn't we see it happen, or did I blink?

2. Why couldn't Queenie bring Zoe back to life? She brought Misty back! Made no sense.

3. What the hell happened to the stolen baby? Is she still living in a cupboard up in the attic--being cared for by a DEAD MAN?

4. Kyle kills Madison? MADISON IS A FREAKING WITCH. She has POWERS. She just lies there and lets him choke her? LOLOLOLOL! As my dear friend Pamela would say: Too stupid to live.

5. The going-to-hell-and-back sequences. This alone is why the finale should have been two hours long, not one. We already saw Queenie's version of hell earlier, stuck in eternity, serving up fried chicken to obnoxious customers. Then we had to see it again. Fine. We get it. But we didn't get to see Zoe's or Cordelia's or Madison's (and how cool would Madison's have been: Playing Liesl in a TV version of The Sound of Music?--"Not even the lead!") Why didn't we get to see those? RIP-OFF!

6. We did see Misty's hell--dissecting the live frog over and over. But it was never explained why she couldn't escape, or, at the very least, showed her trying to do so. And seriously, for them to kill off Misty--probably the most sympathetic character aside from Zoe--really sucked.

7. Not that this has anything to do with sloppy writing, but how about that line of new witches outside the house, wrapped around the block like nanny candidates for the Banks kids? If four teenage witches can cause so much havoc, what the hell will happen with thirty or forty of them around?

8. Happy ending. Seriously?????

9. I'm still stuck on that poor baby...in a cabinet...dead man...



( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 31st, 2014 07:55 pm (UTC)
you almost make me want to go find it and watch it just so I can make fun of how bad it is. Sadly, from the sounds of it, the writers may also be TSTL
Jan. 31st, 2014 09:03 pm (UTC)
Re: girl...
Pam you should watch it! What's funny is that I LOVED THE SHOW in spite of all its flaws. Like Holly said, the characters are awesome and it DOES keep your interest. Just too many loose ends and...well..."rule-changing."
Feb. 1st, 2014 03:59 am (UTC)
those must be awesome characters
... to overcome plot flaws, rule changes (HATE that one), and TSTL.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


Jeannine Garsee

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