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I was so excited to see INSIDIOUS: CHAPTER 2 because I really, really liked the first one.

The first one was creepy.

I loooove creepy.

It had very creepy music--

--and a creepy premise.

It was subtle, for the most part. It didn't smack you in the face.

This sequel, though. The fact that only seven other people showed up in theater should've been a dead giveaway. That, and the fact that they didn't even have the right title over the door. It said: WE'RE THE MILLERS.

 photo insidiousposter.jpg

We should've seen WE'RE THE MILLERS.

A sure sign that a movie sucks is when you don't care if you have to get up and pee in the middle of it. I, unfortunately, did not have to pee. I did, however, LMAO.

Beth, after: "Why did they even make this movie?"

Good question. It seemed like it tried to channel every horror movie ever made--Stephen King's in particular. Much of the score was straight out of THE SHINING. So was the old dad-with-a-crazy-grin chasing-the-family-through-the-house-with-a-deadly-weapon and having them barricade-themselves-in-a-room-and-desperately-search-for-an-escape while Crazed Dad Busts Down The Door bit.

The whole time I'm wondering: Where are the phones? They don't own a single phone? I mean, it's not like they're snowed in at the Overlook Hotel. They even have neighbors! And, before that, when Grandma was tooling around the house, scared out of her wits--she couldn't yell out to any of the other people in the house? (However, I'll give her credit for turning on the lights for a change)

The disappearing kid with the disembodied voice. POLTERGEIST, anyone? The cadaverous face and growling voice of the dad near the end looked and sounded exactly like Billy in THINNER. Yes, again, Stephen King. The ghost who popped up and snarled "She has your baby!" was a perfect cross between Gollum and Pennywise the Clown.

Of course, we lost it--and could not shut up: "Beep beep. Richie!" "My precioussss!" "We alll float!" "White man from town!" "Heeeeere's Johnny!" Even when Rose Byrne's character bawled her eyes out, we couldn't help remarking: "Wow. You're an ugly crier."

 photo uglycrier.jpg

Then, very best of all, we have MOMMY DEAREST jacked up on crystal meth:

 photo insidious.jpg

If the director had gone for "subtle" instead of "bestial" this scene could've been the greatest one in the film. I mean, if there were any great scenes...

Score: 4/10


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Patrick Dilloway
Sep. 14th, 2013 01:08 am (UTC)
A 4 seems pretty generous.
Sep. 15th, 2013 09:51 pm (UTC)
Only because I LMAO. I upped it a point purely for the entertainment value.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


Jeannine Garsee

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