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Smoking, Blubbermo, Etc.

Remember BLUBBERMO?

On this end it's been a dismal failure. Not only have I not lost weight, I've most certainly gained. Though I understand this is pretty common when someone quits smoking, the sad fact of the matter is that I did little to prevent it. Instead of smoking, I ate. And ate. And ate. Even substituting Nicorette gum doesn't less the desire to eat something, anything. As someone who has always had trouble maintaining a reasonable weight, after a while it's easier to simply go with the flow.

Unfortunately that's how people end up being cut out of their homes by the fire department.

Giving up cigarettes has really opened up my eyes--more than ever--to the struggles of those addicted to drugs. Not a day goes by that I don't want a cigarette. Not an hour goes by that I don't think about smoking. Though it's been six-and-a-half months, the craving is still there. Every day is a struggle, though I tend not to discuss this with anyone, or internally dwell on it.

I watched WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN the other day. IMO it's one the best portrayals of what it's like to be an addict (as well as an enabler). Meg Ryan's character confesses at one point that she doesn't know how to do anything without a drink.

It's the same thing with smoking: I pick up the phone and I want a cigarette.

I start my car and I want a cigarette.

I'm stressed out at work and all I want to do is hit that elevator and run down for a smoke.

I wake up at three in the morning and I want a cigarette.

I write...and I want a cigarette. Every. Single. Minute.

Smoking was always a huge part of my writing. First I was a non-smoker, and struggled miserably. It took me eight years to finish my first novel.

Then I discovered cigarettes, at an age when most smokers are trying to quit. I'd get stuck on a certain scene, go out and have a cigarette, and two minutes later it'd become crystal clear. Need some snappy dialogue? Go out and smoke. A plot point that just wasn't coming across? Go out and smoke. It wasn't simply an excuse to smoke. The results were real. I wouldn't make this up.

For a solid three months after I quit, I wrote next to nothing. I upped the dose of the Nicorette gum, and--gradually--writing came back to me...but I'm still not back to baseline. Gone are the days when I could sit down at my laptop and write up to five to six thousand words in a single afternoon. With nicotine flowing freely through my system, I used to do this regularly. Now I'm lucky to write a page or two. Needless to say, I have not fared well with NaNoWriMo. I do have a good start to my wip, but it goes without saying I won't hit that 50K mark by the end of the month. Even 20K would be a minor miracle.

Obviously, at this point, I'm not going back to smoking--although, as with drugs or alcohol, it's always going to be "one day at a time" for me. I joke that if I live to be seventy, the first thing I'm going to do is run out and buy a carton. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Cigarettes weren't just a "habit"; they kept my mind sharp and clear, improved my concentration, and relaxed me when necessary. I miss it like hell. I doubt that will ever go away.

So, back to Blubbermo: the original goal was to lose 25 pounds by Thanksgiving.

Photobucket

Though I've failed miserably, I know others have succeeded--one of my co-workers lost approximately 50 pounds and she looks amazing. If anyone else has lost weight, I would love to hear about it! I need some outside inspiration.

Anyone care to share?

Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
ophelialaughs
Nov. 21st, 2011 05:41 pm (UTC)
Ever so true, from beginning to end. Even Stephen King said quitting smoking slowed him down. Me...I was slow to start with.
onegrapeshy
Nov. 21st, 2011 06:17 pm (UTC)
You quit, right? Did it slow you down too?
ophelialaughs
Nov. 22nd, 2011 01:59 pm (UTC)
Oh lord, it's ridiculous. It brought me to my knees for a really long time. And I still want to smoke whenever I write, or talk on the phone. Especially at intersections when the person in the car next to me is smoking and I can smell it? I figure one of these days I'm going to make Wikipedia as the first ever Cigarette Jacker in the history of the world.
onegrapeshy
Nov. 22nd, 2011 02:18 pm (UTC)
Oh I hear you. I was stopped at a light behind someone dangling a cigarette out the window. Torture. TORTURE!
lalam
Nov. 21st, 2011 06:37 pm (UTC)
I quit a few things, Namely -- Weight Watchers and Working out. I suck at dieting. I like to eat and I like to cook things with heavy cream. How does one lose weight like that?

I quit smoking nearly 22 years ago and I'm glad I haven't had another cigarette since. However, my 21 year old has started smoking and I hate it. She reeks of smoke and it doesn't faze her. That is the number one reason why I quit. I hated the smell on me!

I hope that new years will bring about a new willpower that will empower me to get back on that horse again and try and lose weight. c'est la vie!
onegrapeshy
Nov. 22nd, 2011 02:20 pm (UTC)
My son smokes, too. Which makes it ESPECIALLY tempting to me...grr!

Yes, let's get through the holidays and see what happens. I reeeally need to do this before I have to rely on a Hov-Around.
fuguemacabre
Nov. 23rd, 2011 09:08 pm (UTC)
I've lost 8 pounds, but to be honest, I think I walked that off in Europe. I can't remember the last time I walked so much. And don't ever let anyone tell you Europe has any flat land. It doesn't!
onegrapeshy
Nov. 25th, 2011 06:48 pm (UTC)
That's an expensive diet, lol--one I'd love to try!
marirene74
Nov. 24th, 2011 10:25 pm (UTC)
Me, too
Quit weight watchers, too and gained 10 pounds since Halloween :( Maybe I should start smoking again... Happy Thanksgiving, dear! If you are not working this weekend you have some relatives who would love to see you :)
onegrapeshy
Nov. 25th, 2011 06:47 pm (UTC)
Re: Me, too
I'm working this weekend. If you read my next post, you will see why I should have come to YOUR house yesterday!

xox
jgurtler
Nov. 27th, 2011 02:32 am (UTC)
Haven't been on LJ in ages, but saw you on twitter and followed you here. Good on you for quitting smoking. I was a heavy smoker and LOVED it and hated quitting but here I am 10 years later and I rarely think about it. I always said if I found out I had cancer or a terminal illness I would start smoking agin but I wouldn't now.

Hope it gets easier for you soon!!!
onegrapeshy
Nov. 28th, 2011 03:56 pm (UTC)
I'm kind of thinking the same thing YOU were thinking at this point. It's kind of twisted, isn't it? :)

Congrats on quitting and STICKING WITH IT! xox
jgurtler
Nov. 27th, 2011 02:33 am (UTC)
Also I meant to say, your new book looks GREAT! Can't wait to read it!
onegrapeshy
Nov. 28th, 2011 03:56 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you!!!!
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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