?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

It Better Be Worth It!

So I had the magnificent brainstorm this a.m. to get to the grocery store early to stock up for the week, plus buy a birthday cake for Nate and a chicken to roast tonight.

Those of you who read this blog regularly may have picked up on the fact that I:

A. hate grocery shopping
B. hate the store (known as "Big Bird" to protect the guilty party)
C. hate the people who work there
D. hate even driving past it

Well, at 0830 there were already 1,000 people there. Oh, and guess what? TWO CASHIERS! Big surprise, not.

Generally I only use the self-serve checkouts when I'm only buying a few things. Today I had a cart-load. No way was I gonna stand in a line behind 10 other people with ice cream in my cart. So I decided to check my groceries out myself.

The easiest way to do this is to unload and swipe a few things, bag them, put them in a cart, unload a few more, etc. Of course I only had one cart because Big Bird doesn't think it's necessary to put extra carts at the self-serve register. Then again, Big Bird doesn't think it's necessary to put toilet paper in their johns.

My LEAST favorite bagger, who is about 80 years old (no exaggeration) and weighs 90 pounds and bitches whenever she has to lift anything heavier than a Ragu jar, was bagging in the next lane. Way over by the cigarettes (not even near her)  was a single cart with one red basket in it. I started to pull it toward my lane, but Old Bag(ger) cried out, "Oh, no! That's for my BASKETS!" Um, she was at a full service check-out counter where nobody--trust me--had any baskets. 

So, with my most glorious Dirty Look, I heaved a huuuuge sigh, left my cart, and tromped across the store to the exit to get a second cart. Tromped back. Parked cart at end of counter. Started unloading. Nice customer service. Never mind what I spend there every month.

Another employer--we call her The Kapo; she was Beth's supervisor when Beth was a bagger and treated Beth like crap--moseyed on over. For whatever reason she beamed at me, pointed at my second cart, and said brightly, "Oh, here is an extra cart for your groceries!" Smile, smile. Like she had a hand in that.

Me: "Yes, I know. Because *I* had to go get it."

One of the items I bought was a 7.5 lb labled  "Fresh Chicken!" The bird felt deceptively pliable when I tossed it into my cart on top of my eggs and Coco Krispies (but not on top of Nate's cake). However, later, when I went to throw it in the oven, I discovered the inside cavity was frozen and the wings were glued to its side.

I ask you: Why does it say FRESH CHICKEN when it's obviously a FROZEN CHICKEN? Big Bird strikes again.

So, with the water running, I spent 10 minutes with my hand up its icy butt, trying to wrench loose the neck and gizzards. I finally got it out (save for a wee bit of paper, yum) but not before I lost my grip on that sucker and it landed in the dish water.

Luckily my family doesn't read this blog.

Now my favorite hoody is soaked with dish water and chicken juice. Uh, yes--I'm still wearing it.

Guess what I'm asking Santa for this year?

Photobucket

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
melissawyatt
Dec. 18th, 2010 11:04 pm (UTC)
I love you because you make me feel less alone. (Been there with my hand up a frozen chicken butt.)
onegrapeshy
Dec. 20th, 2010 01:05 am (UTC)
My hand's been in worse places, lol.
lalam
Dec. 19th, 2010 01:10 am (UTC)
Only you, Jen, only you! :)
warriorofworry
Dec. 19th, 2010 07:54 pm (UTC)
No, not only Jen. Trust me. I call our local grocery "Giant Evil" (gacked from elsewhere; I have NO sense of humor about grocery shopping. In fact, I must be medicated to attempt it.)

And those damned frozen "fresh" chickens! Almost as bad as the beef; bright pink on the upside, with the going-green part nestled against the opaque packaging.

They were *almost* redeemed by $2.00 boxes of Christmas Captain Crunch. :-)
warriorofworry
Dec. 19th, 2010 07:55 pm (UTC)
And I want a houseboi. Isn't anybody listening out there?
onegrapeshy
Dec. 20th, 2010 01:05 am (UTC)
And $2.00 Cinnamon Toast Crunch!!!
onegrapeshy
Dec. 22nd, 2010 04:03 pm (UTC)
I want that avatar!
goldiebug
Dec. 19th, 2010 02:36 am (UTC)
Oh dear! (snort, giggle) I'm so (tee hee) sorry!! (bwahahaha! even your rants are hilarious, good grief!) I hate shopping too, and cooking, you're definitely not alone. Our Big Bird store isn't as bad, but the one I don't like is the brand name from the coyote/roadrunner cartoons; none of the stores near me have been remodeled in DECADES so it's really cramped and old in them; ick. Not the atmosphere I like when doing a chore I hate. I hope your chicken came out tasty in the end!
onegrapeshy
Dec. 20th, 2010 01:07 am (UTC)
The chicken was delicious.

We had a grocery store like that, too. The place was gross and reeked of rotten fruit. AND it was way overpriced. Um, no.
edgyauthor
Dec. 19th, 2010 09:13 am (UTC)
UGH, how dreadful...and humorous, too. (In spite of everything, at least all this got an entertaining blog post out of you, right? Haha!) You might want to reconsider that wish list to Santa, though. People like to say, "The butler did it" for a reason, after all... :P
onegrapeshy
Dec. 20th, 2010 01:08 am (UTC)
I'll take my chances. :)
shoebrera
Dec. 20th, 2010 12:57 am (UTC)
I had to stop laughing before I could type. The laughs involved my whole upper body. Why, because you're obviously hilarious and entertaining? Well, you are but No. Because I too have been there. And the dishwater thing, that pointed a flashing arrow straight at me.

I do know that when one speaks with a manager it sometimes helps. Not usually but sometimes. You're a writer. A written gripe to headquarters might lead to something. Just write one every week, even if it's copy/paste, until something helpful is suggested. No, don't hold your breath; even you don't look that good in blue.

Get me a maid while you're butler shopping, will you?
onegrapeshy
Dec. 20th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
I spoke to the manager at the other place I used to shop (before they went out of business) about their crappy meat. They INSISTED I was the only person who ever complained about it. They must've pushed the maggotty stuff to the front when they saw me coming. Sorry those people ended up losing their jobs, but truly, that place was VILE!!!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 21st, 2010 06:13 pm (UTC)
Well, Jeannine, if you would shop at a CIVILIZED store (read Heinen's), life would be a lot easier. You might have to drive a few more miles, but it's worth it! I can walk to the Big Bird store near me but wouldn't be caught dead dealing with their nonsense! I'd rather drive the extra miles for the service. I don't like grocery shopping any more than you do. Let's go out to breakfast one Saturday and then go grocery shopping together. We'll have a blast!!! (We always do)
Sissy
onegrapeshy
Dec. 22nd, 2010 02:33 pm (UTC)
Hey Heinen's is right by me, too--but Big Bird gives me the fuel perks!! Guess you gotta take the bad with the good.
fuguemacabre
Dec. 21st, 2010 08:22 pm (UTC)
Wow. Around here if you go to the grocery before noon you have the store to yourself. Guess we have a lot of late sleepers.

Here's hoping Santa brings those two bags of coal for Christmas.
onegrapeshy
Dec. 22nd, 2010 02:02 pm (UTC)
I guess we move faster up north. :)
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

onegrapeshy
Jeannine Garsee
Website

Latest Month

January 2015
S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

FRIENDS' BLOGS/WEBSITES (other than LJers)

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Paulina Bozek