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Friday Freak-Out

I needed a "special occasion" dress. By "special occasion" I don't mean getting to order a pizza instead slaving over ground beef and a jar of Ragu. I mean a Real Special Occasion dress. The last two outfits I bought for weddings won't cut it. This is a Special Occasion I wouldn't dream of attending if the opportunity hadn't fallen into my lap. Mainly because I can't afford the ticket.

What I learned today: my dress size doesn't exist. Seriously, who has a body like this? Oh, yeah. People who gain 40 pounds in 3 years. One size is too small. The next size up is too large. Skin-on-a-sausage in the Misses' department. Bag-lady-special (I'm talking "fit" here, not style) in the Women's. Beautiful dresses, too.

But nothing fits. I find something wrong with every one. Lumps show. Bra shows. Beads missing. Lumps show. Too tight. Too loose (yes, really). Too mother-of-the-bride-ish. Too prom-ish. Too Sharon-Osbournish. TOO FREAKING EXPENSIVE! Lumps show. Gross color. Is this really supposed to zip? WTF is this made of?!? And...oh, yeah: lumps show.

After I found one at last, I suffered the indignity of a bra-fitting ("You must LEEEEF zee booosoms into zee CUPS!") and then moved on to the shoe department where I instantly felt suicidal and had to run out.

No, I don't do well with shoes. I don't even own a pair of dress shoes aside from the pumps I wore to a wedding last week and had to switch into my grungy sandals right after the ceremony. Blame it on my hillbilly blood. Blame it on the fact that my shoe size (10 1/2) doesn't exist, either. But all I've worn for 20 years are Crocs, Birkies, and Reeboks b/c I hate buying shoes more than I hate buying dresses. Then there's that whole pantyhose thing--what's up with that? How many of you can wear the same pair of pantyhose more than once or twice? What man would buy SOCKS that only lasted a couple of wears?

I'm thinking of ordering a couple of different sizes from Zappos (LOVE them!) and sending back the ones that don't fit. That, or painting a pair on with black Magic Marker.

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
susanwrites
Oct. 15th, 2010 07:23 pm (UTC)
Having just gone shopping for my trip next week, I totally feel your pain. Add to that that I am way, way overweight (the kind of fat that makes you rant) and I had a horrible time shopping. Endured the dreaded bra shopping too. Lucked out on a pair of shoes, but they were casual. For pumps, etc, yes, Zappos is the way to go. Once I ordered 20 pair just to find the 1 pair that fit right. It was worth it.
onegrapeshy
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:28 am (UTC)
I found a pair of $10 flats today at Burlington! Only 10's, but they seem okay (I'll find out, lol). Otherwise I'd do Zappos for sure. I love them!

I have never been this heavy in my life, sooo...RANT! RANT! RANT!
susanwrites
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:32 am (UTC)
Score on the $10 flats! I grabbed flat half boot for $30 and felt like that was a score. Re weight, weighing more than I did 9 1/2 months pregnant is very frustrating.
onegrapeshy
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:36 am (UTC)
Same here. WAAAAY more! Grr.
kathleenfoucart
Oct. 15th, 2010 07:52 pm (UTC)
I definitely recommend the Zappos idea-- I did that for wedding shoes & it worked out perfectly.
onegrapeshy
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:34 am (UTC)
I adore Zappo's!
shoebrera
Oct. 15th, 2010 07:52 pm (UTC)
Buy light support hose. They're on the same rack/shelf/whatever. Handwash 'em, tho. They'll last Several wearings!
onegrapeshy
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:29 am (UTC)
I don't want several. I want a year's worth, lol.
shoebrera
Oct. 16th, 2010 11:42 pm (UTC)
onegrapeshy
Oct. 17th, 2010 12:17 am (UTC)
I see you are speechless! :)
fandoria
Oct. 15th, 2010 09:04 pm (UTC)
Ugh, I feel your pain. Clothes shopping is a source of frustration and depression for me. And don't even get me started on shoe shopping. GAH! Guaranteed to put me in a bad mood five minutes before it starts. You think you have a hard time finding 10 1/2? Try finding 11 1/2 WIDE. IF--and it's a very big IF--they actually have an 11 1/2W, they're hideous. Most of the time though, I can't find even ugly shoes in my size. And since what I'm usually looking for are walking shoes, I'm forced to shop in the men's department. Needless to say, I avoid shoe shopping whenever possible.
onegrapeshy
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:34 am (UTC)
Has your shoe size grown over the years? Because mine sure has!
fandoria
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:39 am (UTC)
Nope. I've been this size since I was 16.
onegrapeshy
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:43 am (UTC)
In that case I must be gaining weight in my feet, too. Sighhh.
fandoria
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:51 am (UTC)
Well that sucks. :P
christine444
Oct. 15th, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC)
Wow, I could've written this post myself. ;>) I have the 10 1/2 wide shoe dilemma, too.
onegrapeshy
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:35 am (UTC)
So glad I am NOT alone! :)
edgyauthor
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:18 am (UTC)
My sister has a similar problem with shoes. She often has to buy some from the men's section because she just can't find a pair that fits in the women's.

And clothes shopping...ugh. Don't get me started! Pants are always too small or too large, and so many shirts are annoyingly long anymore, which doesn't work well AT ALL for the insulin pump clipped to my waist.

Sigh. Shopping is so complicated...
onegrapeshy
Oct. 16th, 2010 12:30 am (UTC)
Yeah, why do they think if you have a wide waist, you also have a wide BUTT. Cuz I don't. My mom used to call that look "satchel-ass."
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

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