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Musing

My last day before I have to go back to work and this has probably been one of the busiest weeks of my life.

I should be lying around on the couch right now, flipping through reruns of "Roseanne" and "Law and Order" but of course I'm holed up at Borders with my laptop. I'm not leaving till I have 50 presentable pages of the sequel to U.P. for when--and if--I ever need them.

It's so true that there are so many stories to write, and so little time. My mind dashes madly ahead of my current project, trying to keep track of other stories I hope to sink my talons into. For the umpteenth time I think if only I didn't have to go to work everyday, I could get so much done! Yet, when I think that, I remember how lucky I am to have a good job and how all hell would break loose if I ever lost it, for whatever reason.

So! No more snarking about my "real" job which pays the bills, to say nothing of the fodder it provides for future stories. And seriously, it's not the kind of job that I absolutely DREAD going to. I've had jobs like that in the past, and believe it, that s-u-c-k-s. Jobs that depressed me so much I couldn't bear the thought of even climbing out of bed. Jobs that gave me such horrendous migraines I'd end up in the E.R. begging for Demerol. Jobs where my coworkers were so unbelievable nasty it was like flashing back to junior high. Who needs that? The great thing about being a nurse is that there is always something else out there. Not that I haven't experienced first-hand the old "frying pan and fire" deal. I've left decent-jobs-that-I-hated for worse-jobs-that-I've-regretted. I've also dumped crappy jobs for jobs less-crappy-but-still-not-my-cup-of-tea-joe.

In spite of the hassles, and the sometimes relentless tension, and the very real possibility of physical danger, I think this job is a good fit for me. I'm not breaking my back schlepping people to the john or picking them up off the floor with a Hoyer lift. If people yell at me and cuss me out, I don't have to take it anymore. I'm not involved in any life-and-death situations--all the critical care nursing stuff is well behind me and I don't regret it for a moment. I actually get to talk to people. The fact that 50% of the time I have no idea what they're saying is, believe it or not, kind of cool. :)

However. After spending the past week doing nothing but WRITING, plus spending serious time with Other Writers, I find myself lapsing back into that same old fantasy of writing full-time, wondering--what would that really be like? The likelihood of that happening is practically non-existent; if I'd started 20 years ago, maybe--but even then all the pieces would've had to fall perfectly into place. I wouldn't be the same person I am now. I wouldn't have written the same stories. I wouldn't have the same friends, shared the same experiences.

I wonder, would I be me?

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
susanwrites
May. 17th, 2010 07:36 pm (UTC)
I am still in synopsis hell and need to finish this to get it out today so of course I am procrastinating by reading your post.

I am different writing full time. Less focused but happier in some ways from not going to the day job. Less money, less writing but I think I am writing better, stronger.

Not having those outside pressures changes us, of course. There are experiences in my life that I wish I hadn't had but, as you say, they have made me who I am and without going through what I did, I wouldn't be able to write the stories I write.


onegrapeshy
May. 17th, 2010 08:07 pm (UTC)
"There are experiences in my life that I wish I hadn't had but, as you say, they have made me who I am and without going through what I did, I wouldn't be able to write the stories I write."

This is exactly true. And it's been on my mind a lot.

Good luck with the synopsis!!! Let me know.
susanwrites
May. 17th, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC)
How late are you going to be available to chat?
onegrapeshy
May. 17th, 2010 08:31 pm (UTC)
As late as you want! Seriously, no plans. Time?
susanwrites
May. 18th, 2010 12:01 am (UTC)
Now?
onegrapeshy
May. 18th, 2010 02:37 pm (UTC)
Yes! Oh, wait. We already did that, lol.

It was so great talking to you! If not for my battery I could've gone on another hour! xox
dlgarfinkle
May. 17th, 2010 08:18 pm (UTC)
But I like hearing about your crazy job. Don't go Pollyanna on me. Rant away.
onegrapeshy
May. 17th, 2010 08:32 pm (UTC)
LOL! I think I'd need a separate journal just to keep track of the stories.
fandoria
May. 17th, 2010 08:48 pm (UTC)
FWIW, I technically write full time--as in, I don't have a day job outside of motherhood--but it's only during the school days. And I've found that I don't get much more writing done with all those hours than I did when T was still a toddler and I could only write during naptime because there's always something--either around the house or with school or errands or what have you--that takes up my writing time. I still end up with about 2 hours of actual fingers to the keyboard, making progress time.
onegrapeshy
May. 17th, 2010 10:22 pm (UTC)
Well, considering the fact that my kids are grown...and I do absolutely NOTHING around the house...I'm sure I squeeze about 6 hours a day, or more. Till my eyes give out, anyway. :)
fandoria
May. 17th, 2010 11:21 pm (UTC)
I'm still holding out hope that one day the cleaning fairies and the grocery shopping fairies and the errand fairies will finally deign to bestow their favor on me so I can scratch those off my to-do list permanently.
onegrapeshy
May. 17th, 2010 11:51 pm (UTC)
When they're finished with you, send them my way. PLEASE!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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Jeannine Garsee
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