Jeez, what kind of horoscope is this?

"You could get confused and lose your way today, even if you had the foresight to mark your trail. Unfortunately, everything seems different now and it's not obvious where you placed your markers. Retrace your steps and don't give up until you find them. Your best bet would be to pay close attention right from the start so you can figure out where you are going and the best way to get back."

The only way I'll "lose my way" today is if I get off at the wrong exit on the way to work. Even then it's unlikely. 

I looooooaaaathe metaphoric horoscopes. Or ones that sound like Horoscope Dude ran out of ideas.

I like this one better:

"You will have a kicka$$ day if you manage to be assertive without your usual sarcasm. Money will fall into your hands in the very near future. Your dog has a 65% chance of barfing today and you have a 20% chance of acquiring poison ivy. Think fast on your feet and keep your panic buzzer handy. Ice cream is essential! Say no to overtime."

While Googling the term "unearthly possessions" (yes, this title will likely be changed) I first came up with a movie memorabilia site, and then I found THIS...

...which led me to the Living Dead Dolls Website which, unfortunately, loads waaay too slowly to hold my interest.

Still, how twisted am I to find these dolls so oddly appealing?



They've been around for a while. Lord knows where I've been.

*Must Talk To Santa*

I'm so happy to have GOOD NEWS to share!

From Publishers Marketplace:

SAY THE WORD author Jeannine Garsee's UNEARTHLY POSSESSIONS, about a bipolar teen haunted by ghosts both real and imagined, to Caroline Abbey at Bloomsbury, for publication in Winter 2012, by Tina Wexler at ICM (NA).

Yay, yay, yay!

2012 seems like a long time away, but I know it'll go fast.

Wow. Just...WOW! :) :) :)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought a prescription co-pay was, like...OK, your script "really" costs $250 bucks but your co-pay is $5 or $10 or $20 or whatever, and that's what you PAY. The insurance company picks up the rest. You pay PREMIUMS for this, right?

My whole-fricking-entire-adult life I've had co-pays. I know what co-pays ARE. Or at least I thought I did.

New insurance as of July 1. I go to pick up scripts and this is what I get:

Drug #1 = $28 co-pay.

Drug # 2 = $68 co-pay.

Drug # 3 = $135 co-pay.

Needless to say, I did NOT get Drug # 3. I need it, but I can live without for now.

Drug # 1 was Hubby's, who BETTER START GETTING IT FILLED AT THE V.A. FOR $7 or whatever they charge nowadays.

Drug # 2 is my Zoloft. OK, people, you seriously, seriously do NOT want me to stop taking this. I keep thinking of the scene in SAY THE WORD when Schmule tells Shawna he'll have a seizure and swallow his tongue if he misses a dose of his antidepressants. Yeah, I made that up, but still... I bought the stuff, but I'm not happy about it. A local grocery store has $4 scripts, but Zoloft is not on their list which means:

A. I suck it up and shell out $68 bucks a month for it, or--

B. Switch to something else. WHICH. VERY. LIKELY. MAY. NOT. WORK. AS. WELL.

As for Drug # 3...I'm in search of a $4 substitute,

Another question: How can a grocery store charge only $4 when a pharmacy charges several hundred?

AND WHAT KIND OF &%#@  INSURANCE IS THIS?

Rant over. Thank you.

According to The Name Lady at "Parent Dish" these are the "fastest-rising" baby names of 2010:

GIRLS:

1. Tenley
2. Harper
3. Everleigh
4. Martina
5. Sookie
6. Navi
7. Charlotte
8. Eloise
9. Lorelai
10. Ursula
11. Briella
12. Kinley
13. Tinsley
14. Mhairi
15. Leighton
16. Maelle
17. Ever
18. Kinsley
19. Lux
20. Everly

BOYS:

1. Castiel
2. Bentley
3. Eoin
4. Easton
5. Lucian
6. Aarav
7. Zion
8. St. John
9. Kaiden
10. Sterling
11. Callan
12. Leland
13. Harper
14. Mikah
15. Dashiell
16. Eliah
17. Dawson
18. Kayden
19. Lennon
20. Dorian

Mhairi? Aarav? Everleigh? Look, as someone who's patiently had to spell out her name for multiple decades, I do not advise this. Lux, which I use in U.P. as a last name (as homage to someone) is commonly known as a dish detergent. Castiel is also a soap--one used for enemas!!! How about Ever? "Gee, Mom, are you EVER gonna change my stupid name?" (some celebrity used this one recently, which explains a lot) And does "Saint"-frickin-JOHN trump a "Prince" Michael on the playground?

SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE!

1. Good news to be announced very soon, I hope. :)

2. We've had a basketball hoop in our yard for 22 years. The sucker is rusted and was falling down. I asked my son to take it down. His idea of taking it down was to knock it over. It's been laying in my grass for 2 weeks because nobody will take it apart, claiming it's so rusted they can't get the bolts out. No way will the garbage men haul it off as it has to weigh a ton, plus it's humongous. So what, I gotta look at this thing for the rest of my life?

3. I'll be on a panel ("Unpublished to Published") at the Buckeye Library in Medina, Ohio tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. if anyone's in the neighborhood. *hint*

4. Vick's Vaporub for toe fungus?

5. My yard is starting to look like a real yard and not a scene from Jurassic Park. All I want for my birthday is to go wild at Gale's Garden Center. This sudden interest in gardening is either a sign of old age or my way of coping with Acute Writer's Anxiety.

6. Another middle-of-the-night dog-puke-clean-up (seriously, when will he learn NOT to eat cinders?). Unable to get back to sleep, I amused myself with Mel Gibson's telephone rants and 20 minutes of one of the worse movies ever filmed.

7. A sad farewell to fellow Clevelander Harvey Pekar whose life was explored in the film "American Splendor" (I tried to post a link to the movie but IMDB is not cooperating).

8. I wish I had a pool.

9. I really wish I had a pool.

10. It's so FRIGGIN' HOT! Why do I not have a pool? On yeah--because I'm too cheap to pay for one and too lazy to keep it up.

From Craigslist (courtesy of Kathie who sends me her Gems of the Week)::

Agent wanted for talented author

I am currently looking for an agent to handle my affairs with
publishers. You need to be absolutely qualified and have experience in
this field, with a resume and a portfolio of people you have helped
publish in the past.

You must know that I do not pay you up front for my work you get paid
when I get paid and my writing is published. I have done a lot of
research so please no gimmicks. you either want to do it and love it or
you just are not qualified for the job. very simple.

I am a laid back guy, and I love to write and may have a lot of ideas
for other books outside of my specific genre, are you ready to tackle
this task if so contact me here. If you try one over on me and or
attempt to steal my work which is copy written Then the laid back just
does not apply.

Hmm, I wonder how many hits he'll get.

I'm guessing...

ZERO!

As a Jewel fan, I got a kick out of this!

There was a story on Fox news (Channel 8 in Cleveland) about a woman who was driving around with her dog, came home, and went into the house to do housework--forgetting her dog was inside the car.

It's hot here, in case nobody knows.

So anyway, she's putzing around for a period of time, dusting or vaccuuming or whatever people do when they clean house (I have no idea) and she hears the car horn blow. She checks it out and discovers her beloved pet is still in the car and appears to be blowing the horn to attract her attention.

To her credit, she provides first aid to her extremely overheated dog before rushing him to the vet. The dog survives, thank God. THEN she goes on to give an interview to the news station as a warning to others.

A warning against what? To not be STUPID? Everyone knows not to leave their pets in the car in weather like this. There is not a SINGLE PERSON IN THE UNITED STATES who has not heard this warning. People don't leave their dogs in hot cars out of ignorance. They do it because they choose to do it.

That aside, I don't understand how anyone can "forget" their dog is in the car any more than I can understand how they forget they left a baby in the back seat. I always knew where my kids were every minute. I know where Elijah is, too. It's not like he doesn't make his presence known.

This owner was lucky, and I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that this was an accident. The dog, of course, was even luckier. But seriously, if I ever did anything that stupid, the last thing I'd do is go on TV and announce it to the world.

Ya, shoor.

OK, instead of sitting around agonizing over things I have no control over, I should be out working int he yard again. Lawn Guy pulled out the 3 huge, monstrous stumps and my front yard no longer looks like a scene from "Forest of Hands and Teeth." But it feels like a fricking sauna out there, so I guess I'll blow it off, stay inside in the A/C, and do a little writing till it's time to go to work.

Lawnmower Guy #2 just bailed on me b/c he's backed up because of the heat. He's coming tomorrow instead of today--and I just--now took the day off...

Oh.

My.

God.

I feel it!

Yes, it's happening to me again!!!



HELP!!!!!!

Oh, I'm so excited! Look what I got!

Attn: Sir/Madam,

Although you might be apprehensive about my email as we have not met before,I am Mr Evans Gomez,I am a Banker i work with Bank Of Spain,There is the sum of $20,600,000.00 in my Bank "Bank Of Spain, There were no beneficiaries stated concerning these funds which means no one would ever come forward to claim it.

That is why I ask that we work together so as to have the sum transfered out of my Bank into your Bank Account or any other account of your choice. I will be pleased to see if you can help me and also be a good and trusted person. Once the funds have been transferred to your Nominated Bank Account we shall then share in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you,do send me a mail as soon as possible for more details here is my email address: evangomez01@gmail.com

Regards
Mr.Evans Gomez

Because I'm soooo nice, I'm willing to share this with all my "good and trusted" friends. Drop ole Gomez a line, if you like--and get ready to par-TAY!

What? No takers? You guys are SO not fun... :p

OK, so NEW Lawnmower Guy (b/c the first one ditched me) is coming Wednesday to mow front and back, edge, haul off ALL the crap (branches, dead bushes, chopped-down saplings, etc) I managed to demolish over the past two weeks since I have not been writing, plus pull out 3 stumps leftover from the Arborvitae from Hell...for $250.00.

Anyone think that's a good price? Please tell me it's a good price. If it's not...don't tell me.

In the meantime, Hubby has ordered 3 mowers and all 3 arrived damaged.

If anyone is in the area, please stop by and say hi. :-) 

The Larchmere Festival: Author Alley
Books, antiques, art galleries, sidewalk sales, and more!

Saturday July 3 12 noon. to 5:00 p.m. 

13015 Larchmere Boulevard
Shaker Heights, Ohio 44120
216-795-9800


Author Panel: “Unpublished to Published”

Saturday July 17, 2010 at 11:00 a.m.

Buckeye Library
Medina County District Library
6625 Wolff Road
Medina, OH 44256
330-722-6235, ext. 2501

I have not been blogging. I have not been writing. I have not been reading. I do, however, have blisters and ruined nails and a permanent crick in my back from a week's worth of yard work. I totally see why people do condos.

It's astonishing how much I can accomplish around here when I'm between books...

NERDS HEART YA contest (yes, SAY THE WORD is included along with some wonderful titles) is underway! CHECK HERE to see how you can participate and win a book (or 2 or 3). N♥YA showcases books that feature characters or were written by authors who fall within the following categories:

Person(s) of Color (POC)
GLBT
Disability/Mental Illness
Religious Lifestyle
Lower Socioeconomic Status

Check it out and have fun!

I GOT IT AGAIN!



Episcleritis.

Totally out of the blue.

So, regarding eye drops...exactly how "outdated" is "outdated"???

Never mind, don't answer. If I lived in Bangaldesh I'd be happy to have them.

Well, so far it's been le jour de merde.

My mom-mobile started smoking under the engine, it's going to cost $1400 to fix the problem, and I can't drag hubby out to look at cars. I am NOT. SPENDING. ANOTHER. NICKEL. on this thing. After this, I mean. PLEASE REMIND ME!

Then Elijah, who loooves to get my attention by swiping me with his paw, swiped me with his paw. Except he hit my laptop and knocked off 3 keys! BAD BAD BAD BAD DOG! (I threaten him with "Animal Cops" scenarios all the time, e.g.: "Remember that little doggy who...? Aren't you glad that's not you, you mangy little ingrate?"). Miraculously, Nate was able to pop them back on. This is the relatively new keyboard that I ranted about last year.

(I don't think the letters are quite in order, but I'm a sight-typist, anyway, so it doesn't much matter).

OK, what else? Oh! I pulled a Joan Crawford, grabbed a pair of pruning shears and totally chopped down a huge, hideous, 40-year-old arborvitae in my front yard--one down and 2 to go. Now I'm stuck with an humongous, straggly stump--and nothing to saw it down with--and a mountain of branches. Plus the lawn mower broke weeks ago, the new one was delivered damaged and the NEW-new one won't make it here till Friday... So between the stump and the bush clippings and the weedy, knee-high grass, I'm expecting a call from City Hall any day now.

I'm (thanks to a new system at work) scheduled to work an Extra Day this week. This issue has not yet been resolved to my satisfaction.

Did I mention I'm on Day 7 of a diet?

Oh...you can tell? :)

Revelation of the Week: There are only 5 carbs in a Coors Light.

***

Yesterday I defrosted pork chops for my husband to make for dinner. He always makes the pork chops. It's like his "job", right? Cuz I do fish. HE DOES PORK CHOPS. It's in the prenup.

ME: "But you have to make them. I don't do pork chops."

HIM: "I don't feel like it. Wake me up for dinner."

ME: "Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!"

HIM: "Look, all you have to do is [insert Specific Detailed Instructions on How To Prepare Pork Chops Hubby's Special Way]."

Then off he goes for a snooze.

So I prepare the pork chops according to instructions.

They're not, uh, exactly the same. They didn't look the same. They certainly didn't taste the same.

HIM, with the same look Joan Crawford gave Bette Davis when she lifted up the lid to reveal her Oiseau au Vin): "What's THIS supposed to be?"

Said pork chops did not go flying into his head. But this did remind me of what my mom used to say whenever one of us kids asked at dinnertime: "Um, what's this?"

Her customary response?

"ARSENIC! EAT IT!"

I gotta start thinking faster...

A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to seaheidi on the release of her YA novel SEA



From Amazon: "Still haunted by nightmares of her mother’s death, fifteen-year-old Sienna Jones reluctantly travels to Indonesia with her father’s relief team to help tsunami orphans with their post traumatic stress disorder—something Sienna knows a lot about. Since her mother’s plane went missing over the Indian Ocean three years before, Sienna doesn’t do anything if it involves the ocean or planes, so this trip is a big step forward.

"But the last thing she expects is to fall for Deni, a brooding Indonesian boy who lives at the orphanage, and just so happens to be HOT. When Deni hears a rumor that his father may be alive, Sienna doesn’t think twice about running away with him to the epicenter of the disaster. Unfortunately, what they find there could break both their hearts.

"A compelling summer romance, SEA marks the arrival of a stunning new voice in YA."

HEIDI'S WEBSITE

Yay, Heidi!!!

I saw this--

Lee Majors and Bruce Dern have joined the cast of 'The Big Valley,' based on the 1960s TV series. Majors and Dern will play Judge Adams and Tom Barkley, respectively, in the film, which stars Jessica Lange as Victoria Barkley and Stephen Moyer ('True Blood') as her eldest son, Jarrod. Majors portrayed Heath Barkley in the original TV series..."

--and instantly flashed back to my teen-age babysitting days when this show was on (already in reruns in case you think I'm that ancient) in the afternoon. I watched it faithfully b/c I was sooo in love with Heath Barkley:



And Nick:



AND Jarrod, too:



Yep, I'd take all 3 of 'em. :)

This is what I liked best about the old TV westerns:

The good guys were GOOD. Period. No "iffy" business. Maybe a couple minor flaws, like...say, "a hot temper" or no luck with the ladies. Nothing that'd stop you from rolling around in a buckboard with 'em. :)

The bad guys were BAD. Also period. You knew exactly who those evil yellow-bellied varmints were and you knew exactly what would happen to them in the end (POW-POW-POW!). Now, in an age where your typical hero may rip your throat out at any moment, I still find that comforting. Predictable, yes--but comforting.

I am SO going to see this film when it comes out!

...was the most unproductive weekend of my life, writiing-wise or otherwise.

Saturday I did attempt to revise some of my wip. Instead of going to Borders, I holed up in My Nice Clean Office with my laptop. Unfortunately, sitting in a room in your house with a laptop when you're used to sitting at Borders somehow isn't the same. It doesn't sound the same. It doesn't feel the same. I used to write there regularly but the PC sucks. Besides, hubby "borrowed" my monitor because when his died which means I have no PC + I'm trying to write on a laptop on a desk that's meant for a PC

and

it's

just

not

the sa-a-a-a-ame. Boo.

I revised, oh, maybe half a page. On a spur of inspiration I also wrote two paragraphs of a new story that's been preying on my mind for about a year. Then:



Then I read blogs, read the news, wrote e-mails, downloaded a buttload of iTunes, and headed out to do some grocery shopping. Beth and I had planned to see SPLICE that evening. Nate (who never calls me) called while I was picking through containers of grape tomatos (do they deliberately stick the shriveled ones on the bottom, thinking people won't check?) to say he just saw the movie and DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY, MOM. Instead, we spent the evening watching a French film called HAUTE TENSION which terrified me so much I had to stop watching it. Seriously!!!

Sunday I broke down and vaccuumed up 17 pounds of dog hair. Then my sister came for lunch--she, Beth, and I split an Entenman's coffee cake 3 ways; gosh, tell me again why I can't seem to lose weight? After dinner we watched DISTRICT 9, never mind that I hate, hate, hate alien movies and this one was no exception (all I cared about was the baby alien). Later (after everyone else went to bed) I watched THE READER which was f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s and well worth sitting up till after midnight to watch. If you haven't seen it, do! Excellent.

In a nutshell my weekend consisted of pigging out on food, TV, the internet, and not much else.

Frankly, it was kind of nice for a change.

Monday, my sister decides to use my downstairs bathroom, which is blocked off by a doggy gate leading to my family room. On the way back upstairs she trips over the base of the gate, flies forward (with her toes hung up on the base) and lands on Eli's crate, smacking her head into the wall.

Who says my Memorial Day cookouts aren't fun?

Me (after being certain I don't need to apply any tourniquets or call 9-1-1): "Good thing you didn't land on your knees!" (because landing on my ceramic floor is about the same as landing on the sidewalk).

Sissy: "Yeah, good thing my HEAD broke my FALL!"

I swear to God we weren't drinking.

I totally love my sister. We laugh at everything. Like the time, shortly after our mother was buried, we visited her grave. Unfortunately, the dirt wasn't quite "settled"--as I stepped around the mound, the earth gave way. I screamed when one of my legs plunged knee-deep into the grave.

Sissy (as she dragged me out): "Oh, Jeannine. I know you miss her, but you don't have to jump in after her!"

She laughed so hard she let go and dropped me back in. I laughed so hard I couldn't climb out for five minutes.

Then there was the time, one Christmas Eve, when I decided to put a votive candle on my kitchen windowsill. Sissy and I sat at the table drinking a rather "spirited" eggnog, singing show tunes, laughing about this and that.

Sissy (staring at my window--which, BTW, was brand new, having been installed only several months before): "My, my. Look at that candle."

Me (looking): "Yeah. You like it?"

Sissy: "Looks nice. It sure is bright."

Me: "Yeah. I love candles."

Sissy: "Smells nice, too. What is it, vanilla?"

Me (still candle-gazing): "Yeah...man, you're right. It IS bright."

Sissy: "Why's it so bright?"

Me: "I dunno...hey, is that smoke?"

We both realize it at the same time: "OH MY GOD THE EFFEN WINDOW'S ON FIRE!"

So what did we do after we put out the fire?

Laugh, of course. :)

Reading over what I've written makes me remember something:

FIRST DRAFTS SUCK!

Though brian_ohio and I blabbed half the time, I managed to get to:

20,169 / 100,000 (1.3%)

Dear d_michiko_f,

Thank you for posting pics of your beautiful office, thereby inspiring me to tackle the Mole Hole. So far I've schlepped out 10 bags of garbage in the past 2 days, broke 2 nails, and drank my first beer of the year (I think). Also, I not only blew out a vaccuum bag, but blew 50 + bucks on cleaning supplies, storage boxes, glue traps, and warfarin pellets. I want my office back!--and it's all your fault. You are my hero!

With sincere thanks,

Me xox

...sucks.